As a leader its dangerous to was assume you need to lead everyone the same way.
At first, I thought fairness meant consistency.
Treat everyone the same.
Give everyone the same amount of my time.
Lead every person with the same style.
Hold everyone to the same expectations in the same way.
That sounded fair.
But over time, I realized something important.
Fairness doesn’t mean giving everyone the same thing. It means giving each person what they need in that moment.
On one of my most recent teams, I had salespeople who had been selling homes for more than twenty years. Others had five or six years of experience, and a few were brand new to the industry.
As you can imagine, there wasn’t a single leadership approach that would help all of them thrive.
The newest salesperson needed something completely different than the veteran.
And the veteran needed something different than the person who had simply fallen into a rut.
Leadership isn’t about finding your style.
It’s about understanding their needs.
The question isn’t:
“What kind of leader am I?”
It’s:
“Who does this person need me to be today?”
The Four Hats of Leadership
Over the years, I’ve realized I was constantly changing hats throughout the day.
Sometimes with different employees.
Sometimes with the same employee in the same conversation.
The key is knowing which hat the moment requires.
🎓 The Trainer
Every new employee needs a trainer. Every time a new system or process is rolled out your team needs a trainer. Basically anything “NEW” requires a trainer hat.
This is where we teach.
We explain the “why.”
We demonstrate.
We practice.
We create process.
This is one of the few times in leadership where telling is exactly what’s needed because they simply don’t know yet.
One of my favorite leadership reminders is:
“Teach before your critque.”
Training builds skill.
🧠 The Coach
Eventually, something changes.
They know the process.
Now your leadership should change too.
Instead of giving answers…
Start asking questions.
“What do you think you should do?”
“What options have you considered?”
“Would you handle it the same way next time?”
Coaching helps people build something training never can.
Confidence.
Critical thinking.
Independent problem solving.
Good coaches aren’t measured by how many answers they give.
They’re measured by how many leaders they create.
Coaching builds confidence.
📋 The Accountability Partner
Here’s where many leaders get uncomfortable.
Once someone knows the job, we often assume they’ll continue doing it well forever.
They won’t.
Even great employees drift.
Standards slip.
Good habits fade.
Priorities shift.
That’s when it’s time to put on your accountability hat.
Not because you’re trying to control people.
Because accountability is an act of care.
It says,
“I believe you’re capable of more, and I’m not going to let you settle for less.”
This isn’t about punishment.
It’s about helping someone return to the standard they already know they’re capable of achieving.
Accountability builds consistency.
🚀 The Empowerer
This is my favorite hat.
Your team member has demonstrated the skill.
They’ve earned your trust.
Now…
Step back.
Let them make decisions.
Let them own outcomes.
Let them solve problems.
Let them surprise you.
One of the greatest compliments a leader can receive is hearing,
“I didn’t need you because you prepared me.”
That’s not losing control.
That’s multiplying leadership.
Empowerment builds ownership.
The Leadership Mistake
Most leadership struggles don’t come from wearing the wrong hat.
They come from wearing the same hat with everyone.
We keep training people who need coaching.
We keep coaching people who actually need accountability.
We keep holding accountable people who simply haven’t been taught.
And sometimes…
We empower people before we’ve properly prepared them.
No wonder everyone feels frustrated.
Leadership isn’t one-size-fits-all.
It’s situational.
The best leaders don’t ask,
“What’s my leadership style?”
They ask,
“What does this person need from me today?”
A Simple Leadership Check
Before your next one-on-one, pause and ask yourself:
If they need…I should…
Skill…🎓 Train
Confidence…🧠 Coach
Consistency…📋 Hold Accountable
Ownership…🚀 Empower
That one question can completely change the conversation.
One Final Thought
One of the greatest gifts you can give your team isn’t more meetings.
It isn’t another motivational speech.
It isn’t having all the answers.
It’s showing up as the leader they need in that moment.
Some days they need a teacher.
Some days they need a coach.
Some days they need accountability.
Some days they simply need you to believe in them enough to step aside.
The goal isn’t to become a great trainer.
Or a great coach.
Or a great accountability partner.
Or even a great empowerer.
The goal is knowing when to be each one.
Because great leadership isn’t about wearing one hat well.
It’s about knowing when to change hats.
Let’s lead with more clarity and less noise.
— Abby
