One of the most valuable leadership lessons I ever learned came from my very first manager, Kathy Tucker, MBA.
Kathy was a little intimidating.
She had high expectations.
She expected excellence.
And somehow, she managed to get the best out of every person on the team.
One phrase she repeated over and over again was:
“Bring me solutions, not problems.”
I’ll be honest…
Early in my career I remember thinking,
“Sheesh lady… if I knew the solution, why would I be coming to you?”
At the time, I thought she was making my job harder.
Years later, I realized she was giving me one of the greatest gifts a leader can give someone.
She was teaching me to think.
Let’s Simplify It
The goal of leadership isn’t to become the smartest person in the room.
It’s to build a room full of people who know how to think.
Looking back, Kathy wasn’t refusing to help me. She was refusing to become my bottleneck. Instead of teaching me to depend on her… She was teaching me to depend on myself.
Eventually something amazing happened.
I’d bring her a recommendation. She’d approve it. And I’d walk away thinking,
“I figured it out.”
My confidence grew.
My decision-making improved.
I became more self-reliant.
At the time, I didn’t realize what a gift that was.
Until I got a different manager.
The Bottleneck
My next manager genuinely wanted to help.
He was always asking,
“What isn’t working?”
The problem was…
He rarely let me get to my solution.
I’d start explaining my recommendation…
…and before I finished, he’d tell me exactly what he thought we should do.
His intentions were good. But over time something unexpected happened. I stopped trusting my own thinking. Our one-on-ones became long. Every problem required his answer. Every decision waited on him. Everything flowed through one person.
He had unintentionally become the bottleneck.
Then It Happened to Me
Fast forward a few years. Now I was the manager. I wanted to be responsive. Present. Helpful. I wanted my team to see my value.
So every question…
Every obstacle…
Every challenge…
Came to me.
And I answered them.
Until one day I realized something. I was exhausted. Not because my team wasn’t capable. Because I had trained them to need me. I had become the bottleneck.
Then I remembered Kathy.
“Bring me solutions, not problems.”
So I tried something different.
When someone came into my office, instead of immediately solving it, I’d ask:
“What do you think we should do?”
Sometimes I’d even smile and say,
“Go think about it and come back with your recommendation.”
At first…
There were some confused looks.
Then something incredible happened.
People started thinking before they asked.
They started bringing ideas instead of obstacles.
They challenged their own assumptions.
And I realized something else.
Many of their ideas were better than mine.
Why?
Because they were closer to the problem than I was.
What Changed
Our one-on-ones became shorter. My mental load became lighter. Our decisions became faster. My team became more confident. And today, my team knows something. If they bring me a well-thought-out recommendation and a solid business case…
I’m going to fight for them.
My job isn’t to have all the answers anymore. It’s to remove roadblocks. To ask better questions. To refine ideas. To create alignment.
Not to be the hero.
One Final Thought
If your team needs you to solve every problem…
You’re not leading the work. You are the work.
The best leaders aren’t gatekeepers of good ideas. They’re builders of people who generate them.
So the next time someone walks into your office with a problem…
Resist the urge to answer it.
Instead ask:
“What do you think we should do?”
You might be surprised by the answer.
And even more surprised by what it does for their confidence.
Let’s lead with more clarity and less noise.
— Abby
P.S. Thank you KT for being the best!
